I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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