so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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