is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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