me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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