i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
