hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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