She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
one might say we're banned from that church
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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