I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
