i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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