My room smells like vodka and shame
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
