where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
