What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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