if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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