I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
