I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
