so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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