I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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