I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
