OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
