shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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