Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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