Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
