I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
