happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
