I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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