That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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