and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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