Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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