I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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