I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
