I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
