I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Randomize
