Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
