Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
