Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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