I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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