Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
