1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
