and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
