I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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