I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dicks are not precious.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
