just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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