mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
