She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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