no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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