if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's the barista slut.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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