atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
