First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
