You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize