people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
