All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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