whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
