Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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