I think my vagina is haunted
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
