i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i barfeds in our rink
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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