I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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