How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you will always have a special place in my vag
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
