Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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