I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I had to cum in my sink.
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