I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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