some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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