ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize