Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
