this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize