I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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