her vagine was all disorganized.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
