In the future we'll all be gay
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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