i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
