p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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