come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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