The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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