Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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