I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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