Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize