I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
