Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
