what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
